ive been through the same, she knows she has it but cant have anyone know, she cant have people think shes not perfect and happy. I have friends with mental illnesses who are therapists, and I've even had a therapist who struggled with an eating disorder. People will tell you that whatever you did was your fault, and you will believe it, but they dont and cant understand how hard you fought to keep control. I can tell you, from personal experience, that working on this illness through DBT is worth the fight. I have only receintly learned of BDP when searching for answers to why my relationship was not able to progress. After nearly a year of working in a pub as a cleaner and bar staff, I finally got a . I've been blamed by doctors who put me on these meds that I'm on too manyand the last one (after I discussed BPD he's a complete idiot and asked *me* what the therapy "DBT" was called) said to me, "You have a serious personality problem", in response to me answering how I'd been doing. I have been inspired by people here and I want to share my experiences with everyone as well! They have the ability to support the BPD. Thank you so much for your comment. I know its because you had to. You deserve to understand more about this condition and what we wish we could say but may not be ready. Princess Diana: The disorder is also prevalent in royal families, and the most charismatic and famous celebrity suffering from it was Princess Diana. Wow is all I can say!!! They tried me on several meds and hospitalized me when I started burning myself (unknown why) never did that before.but I remember being so angry and did not know why or when it would end. Otherwise you will be prompted again when opening a new browser window or new a tab. He doesn't even understand why he is holding back from me. I like this letter. Now she teaches DBT, has written several books and has a blog called, Previous post: Finding peace amongst the turmoil, An Open Letter to People who do Not have Borderline Personality Disorder from Those of Us who Do, this blog (Healing from BPD by Debbie Corso), Remind yourself that the persons behavior isnt your fault, Tap into your compassion for the persons suffering while understanding that their behavior is probably an intense reaction to that suffering, Do things to take care of YOU. Intense Emotions: When Present Events Trigger Past Trauma. The mind is very complex. After decades of living with Depression, Anxiety and ADD myself, I knew fully well that what you think is based on the sum of your learning experiences, what you feel is the collection of emotions brought to the surface by what you think.Those are instinctive, knee-jerk reactions which cannot be helped.How you respond to those thoughts and feelings can indeed be helped.Watching my wife deal with BPD, I have seen the improvements through medication, through DBT and even ECT, but I know that it can still be the 800 pound gorilla that comes barrel-assing out of her closet every now and then.And I have all too many of my own moments.Yet for close to forty years she has been my source of safety, of comfort, because I can see her strength, I can feel her love.And I can understand, which is the most important if not only thing I can do to help. I am very glad that your husband is open to supporting you and hope that the letter helped. I have suffered with BPD since I was 11, I didn't get help until I was 34. I have lost my best friend and the love of my life to untreated bpd and have been in agony while she instantly moved on. Once calm, the family can together have an open discussion and achieve setting small goals for the person with BPD. I don't know if I should or should not point out that she has an illness and thus a proclivity to feeling the way she does, without it being my fault. It's nice to hear this from a BPD perspective. Can you get it without having a BPD Dx on your file? Maybe its the first time you fell in love, or the worst argument you have ever had with someone you love. It was both painful and hopeful to read it. We were taught years ago that BPD was 'untreatable' and it took me a little time to take a leap of faith in DBT. The following are trademarks of NAMI: NAMI, NAMI Basics, NAMI Connection, NAMI Ending the Silence, NAMI FaithNet, NAMI Family & Friends, NAMI Family Support Group, NAMI Family-to-Family, NAMI Grading the States, NAMI Hearts & Minds, NAMI Homefront, NAMI HelpLine, NAMI In Our Own Voice, NAMI On Campus, NAMI Parents & Teachers as Allies, NAMI Peer-to-Peer, NAMI Provider, NAMI Smarts for Advocacy, Act4MentalHealth, Vote4MentalHealth, NAMIWalks and National Alliance on Mental Illness. Celebrities and Famous People With Borderline Personality Disorder. All of this is new to me, just as it is with so many others, and as much as I would love the help of regular therapy I know that I have to help myself - but it is HARD. These are a few of the words that have been used to describe individuals suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. Sorry it had to take me so long to get it, but better late then never. It's seriously messed up. Perhaps he still loves me and he still wants to try (I think he's been having a breakdown anyway, due to his father being very ill and the chance he'll be homeless when his dad dies). But working also adds more stressors to an already stressed out life. My will. I am sorry for giving you a false perception of reality. Debbie, Hi Damask thank you so much for taking the time to write such a beautiful comment. Don't write her off. I LOVE lashing out at my supportive boyfriend (thank GOD he is learning about this). The intensity with which you felt those emotions is probably equivalent to what a person with BPD feels on a regular basis. Its that extreme. My perception as a child was that I was, in fact, the cause of her turmoil. Learn how your comment data is processed. I hurt you again and my fear of abandonment means Im searching for a different outcome each time. being transgendered i was unable to get appropriate medical help because i was told my gender disphoria was "identity disturbance". That still doesn't negate the real pain that people with BPD do cause. We fully respect if you want to refuse cookies but to avoid asking you again and again kindly allow us to store a cookie for that. I was 16. You have to find the tools that work for you personally. I am a mess. Click to enable/disable Google Analytics tracking. Deal with the label in a way that makes sense to you. Debbie, Kelly, thank you so much for letting me know! But I know this is fantasy. Because of all of this pain, we often experience feelings of emptiness. I got new "tools" to manage my feelings and how I feel about my self. My heart breaks every day for them. a pattern of tumultuous relationships with friends, family and loved ones. Debbie now teaches the DBT skills that helped change her life over at. I can't help it. This is an example of how manipulative people with BPD can be. Punishment And Revenge. You always can block or delete cookies by changing your browser settings and force blocking all cookies on this website. Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing your own progress. Your email address will not be published. I'm really glad she did; now I can see mistakes that I've made dealing with her, and I know how to be a better and more supportive husband. Hope you are well! This is the most dreaded Dx to come across according to my colleaguesif it was so bad, why would it be my problem? Also, I was a VERY positive person just a few years agoI was even called a Pollyanna! My significant other felt the same way as yours that therapy was a waste of time and money, until I finally showed progress and began getting better through DBT. There is HOPE for you and your loved one. I am so sorry that you are suffering as a result of your sister's behavior. The author of this letter has since RECOVERED from Borderline Personality Disorder and no longer meets the criteria for a BPD diagnosis. She spent years in a mental hospital when she was younger now look at all of the people she's helped and continues to help. I mean, I know that makes me sound selfishand I am a lot more than I used to be. I am so incredibly happy that you have found some hope! It brought tears to my eyes. . Initially I thought we just fell out of love and she was unable to deal with that reality (like maybe she needed a larger reason like alcoholism or abuse rather than just drifting apart). I am about to go to my brothers wedding and a ton of my family will be there. I loved this!!! He says that the money we spent on therapy and meds has done nothing to help; he doesn't think it's worth it. I could never blame them for not wanting to be around me, but this all left and leaves me with absolutely no support system. I want to get help, but I know we have no money. My wife was diagnosed with BPD a number of years ago and it's been more of a battle for her than for me. You *can* overcome this disorder! I think you are the first Norwegian to tell me about her BPD blog. From someone that has been through it it means a lot. Tonight tho as she is in the psych ward I feel as tho my world is crashing down around me. 4. ive stuck with her while she tells people 1365 dif reasons we arent together. Impulsive, risky behaviour. Honestly, I don't think this letter is helpful, or should have been addressed to the children of BPD's for a few reasons. Distancing can also trigger all kinds of abandonment and trust issues for the "BPD" partner (as described in #4). A normal life can be had. . The emotion can easily become unbearable, which is when the BPD takes control. Needless to say, if you have a loved one with BPD, life can be fraught with crises and conflict. Arlington, VA 22203, NAMI Required Disclosures For Written Solicitations. Write as much as you'd like, pour out your heart and soul and tell him how hurt you are and how much you didn't deserve such horrific treatment. It's not your fault. No one from the hospital has ever contacted me about her condition or treatment plan, I have been left totally in the dark and out of her recovery. I pray that she is able to find a place where you are now. The last incident was only a week ago and it took two days and me apologising in the end in order to solve the problem. If my sister would actually seek out the help she really does need, instead of expecting everyone to conform to her ideas and expectations, I would be a little more hopefully. I know all the theory now. If only we all got it laid out like this. Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. I am wondering what to do to help her. I am so glad that this letter can serve as a tool for sharing your journey with family and friends, and that you are able to find some help through my blog. We cant imagine how helpless you must feel to witness this. I wish she would recognise her need to make changes with help. The sort of help I needed. It's sort of comforting that she said that, because it confirms that I probably finally have the right diagnosis. It was total and it was overwhelming and it could be cruel." Cassandra Clare. I have passed it on to my family and friends who support me. She remained in a crisis unit for two weeks without any contact. I wish you strength and hope as you do this work, and please always remember to also take care of YOU. This is coming from the mouth of the same guy who proposed to me last year. As a therapist I was aware of not breaking confidentiality, yet wanting to show potential and new clients that change is possible. Open Letter To All With BPD A.J. Borderlines do not know how to cope with intimacy - it leaves them feeling engulfed. I thought life was hopeless and i would always feel the way i do. So hard sometimes. But what the BPD sees as abandonment, we see as self care (which ironically is one of the suggestions handed down in this open letter). It has been the most challenging part of my entire life, I love her unconditionally and with all of my heart yet it never seems to be enough, to be noticed, to be accepted. Happy for you both. Don't let people (in my case a doctor) tell you that you will always be like this, that there is no way out. I am about to give birth to my first child and one of my baby's grandparents most likely has Borderline Personality Disorder (previously diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but many of us believe BPD is a more comprehensive explanation and DBT type therapy/interactions are the only things that have consistently had a positive impact). I have reached out several times over the years and nothing except mean posts on facebook that make me cry for months. I admire all of you, everyone of you, that can speak out! Dear people, I have a professional translation of the letter in Dutch. Why is it that my therapists tell me that BPD is a useless diagnosis that doesn't do anyone any good, yet I fall into nearly every criteria for the disorder and have since I was a teenager? That your husband is open to supporting you and hope that the in! 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