Also he moved out of our house to be away from me and to be alone. I swear I do my best, I wish he would take my hand and go a bit slower. He feels like a stranger' In absence of love, the distance between spouses only grows. What Is The #1 Issue Or Problem In Your Marriage? It can be the first sign of an abusive partner (And it doesn't matter whether the partner is male or female). YOU. One of the reasons that she gave was that she wanted to be with someone more extroverted. Eventually it reached a crisis. I need to learn more about him and accept him for what he is.. he doesnt like being dressed up for occasion.. hardly talks to his family.. though he is good with his friends.. You apparently dont know the difference between the two. Wed like you to be the same weight you were when we got married. Totally normal for her age. It could be the feeling that no one likes him, self consciousness about appearance, general and social anxiety, or any number of source issues.. Time to move on and live life, not staying home and smelling their farts all evening. Its sad. She would be at home relaxing in front of the tv. For the underlying reasons mentioned above, such a suggestion is likely to be met with resistance, so its better to approach the topic gently. Im seeing a counselor just to keep my sanity. And thats true I do that, he never questions me about my friends. One thing to think about if your significant other doesn't like your friends is jealousy. On a very important side note, there are also things people should not be expected to put up with: abuse, excessive drinking or drugs, cheating, etc. Weve argued about this over and over. Before we get any further into this, lets imagine a scenario that may be all too familiar: Picture an average couple, lets call them Joe and Jane. Torn amidst the expectations of 1) society, 2) our spouse, 3) our kids and 3) the separate sexes the husbands social life is a lose-lose situation. We dont hate you we still love you and wanted to have this with you. Ever. An introvert in contrast is simply shy. Aug. 17, 2018. Life is short. I have been married 25 years and I dont do a thing I dont WANT to do. He could be self-conscious about the way he looks or the way people may perceive him on social media. What you are describing as antisocial is actually being introverted. What is the current status of your marriage? I dont know how much more I can take. Its tough, I know if I am honest shed rather be out chugging beers with her friends or hanging out with them and their husbands than me. Criticism, like isolation, is also something that can start small. Other than that, I am fine on my own or with others. Im 32 and shes 25, her brother whos 21 is far more financially responsible. But what about people who dont seem to do any of those things? I completely understand, and would highly recommend talk therapy, meditation, and other relaxation techniques to try to overcome some of the anxiety and fear of being social. My family and friends are very social and gregarious folks. He has actually said that I have a problem for wanting him to go and I should see a counsellor. Experts: Susan Winter, relationship . It sucks I feel so left out. Thinking yelling is the same as communication. I have few friends and like it that way. After eight years of marriage, he has just told me that he definitely doesn't want children. 22/07/2016 17:22. I want to come home late at night, pay the babysitter and have great sex. Im begging you to help me save us. I see all these ridiculous advice columns always telling women to slowly get your husband out there or figure out what he doesnt like. Another piece of advice. Jealousy and control are often masks for insecurity, and it may be the very same insecurity that keeps a husband like Joe from making friends, or even feeling confident enough to connect with strangers at all. Ugh. Its not something that is a bad quality, or that you should be ashamed of. Worse, it can have a seriously negative impact on your marriage if a lack of friends isnt intentional. I'm a 21-year-old gay guy, but I keep falling for straight men, Mywife's illness means no sexual intimacy. Joes lack of friends doesnt really seem to be a problem except for when Jane leaves to spend time with hers. And my husband tries to make my family gatherings . ASK for what you want.Dont NOT ask and then resent because the other person didnt give you what you wanted. They may have given up on forming new connections with people, they may be afraid of opening themselves up to others, or even have painful memories of losing friends or alienating people in the past. Yes, change takes time, but consider his progress. He is very social and when I have gone to the neighborhood pub with him, he talks A LOT and with the influence of alcohol, very loud. She tried to force a friendship. Simply put, your mother needs you, and your husband seems jealous that your time and energy aren't entirely for him. First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying "My husband has no friends or hobbies,") you might not think this is a big problem. In short, both my husband and my attitude, is that 'our family' is us, exactly as you defined yours: my husband and I and our two kids. We had been married over 10 years and had 2 kids. Leave him because he doesn't like hanging out with your family 3. I like to go to parties and events where we could meet up with friends and listen to music and dance and have dinner and maybe meet new people as a couple together. He didnt hear I love you and I want us. I hate going anywhere with my husband and his friends be ause they are all loud, it has to involve drinking and pointless conversation talking about everyone as if we were back in high school. correct? Nagging your husband (or wife) will make them 'get it.'. He is on the computer, phone or in front of the TV 14 hours a day. We share very few friends and almost never go out with other couples or invite them to our house. No matter how much (or how little) we seem to make, the problems [], Maintaining a successful marriage is hinged on communication. The largest and most common problem in this kind of situation comes in the form of jealousy, possessiveness, and other attempts at controlling behavior. Talk to him. So we go along with a lot we make efforts try to work in your comfort zone but in the end we are lonely and depressed and dont want to just putnon a happy face we want to be happy. That is my issue. 3) Confront him. Now my wife comes to me when the kids don't listen to her, not the other way around. Add message. Myboyfriend cheated on me with a friend. When the kids finally get to bed, I have no desire to get dressed up and go out with my wife, her friends and their husbands, and sit there and make small talk. Let go and just enjoy that you made your wife happy. Hopefully, with hard work, he'll become more and . No criticism or judgment. Its MUCH better to be alone and happy than deal with stupid women. Someone who is emotionally immature may also lack an awareness of the need for self-care. My husband doesn't want kids. You write that he is friendly but just doesn't like to socialize outside of the house. You see, that is the crux. I thought that was plenty, even too much. There isnt anything wrong with not enjoying small talk, or shallow parties. Modern relationships are completely broken and it never ends well for the man. Insecurity can also be a driving force behind obsessive codependence that need to be together all the time. Your husband may not even be aware of what he has done and how it has affected you. My husband doesn't like to be touched (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images) QUESTION: I am a 33-year-old woman and married since last 6 years. So I stopped socializing with her, I went out and met new people and suddenly realized there were people out there that I found interesting, who found me interesting and who I actually liked and enjoyed being with. He explained that he does not care about what other people do or say. We had the worse argument a few nights ago after he came in for one hour. If you want to party all the time and go out, marry that type of person. I worry that this will become a far greater issue when we are retired, and we find ourselves at home together all the time. Its essential that you have both your personal identity AND the an identity as a couple. I don't imagine that this is an uncommon problem, but I would value some advice. Then Dr. Dana will send you additional free coaching via email. If your husband feels like the only time you are talking to him is to tell him something that he's doing wrong, then that is going to come across as nagging and he's going to eventually start tuning you out. Nonsense. 8. Why does my wife nag me constantly to go out with other couples and to parties?. They are costly to all of the above. My Husband Doesn't Post Pictures of Me on Social Media We've all seen the posts. It's definitely a sign of a deeply insecure person, and that insecurity generally can't be fixed while they are actually in an active relationship. The fakies who love to hang in groups dont like that one bit. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Lastly, if you know your husband likes to stay home, bring the party to your house. It might be an indication that the person is depressed or has some other issues, but it might not be that, either. Creator and Editor-in-chief, Divorced Girl Smiling site, podcast and app, Love Essentially columnist and author. I am very clear on my views and I will tell you I think you are wrong. Let them choose the double date. not threatening. So thos blog is spot on eventually we leave tonenjoy life and people and moments. Men should be sexy, so we need to work out. Photograph: Troels Graugaard/Getty Images. But I think she also knows that would be self-destructive in a marriage. Should I pursue an affair with a man who just wants to be friends? While you might be all of these wonderful things, and a truly good, caring, kind person, if never wanting to go out and do stuff is a problem for your spouse, then it is a problem in your marriage that needs to be addressed. Defend his social time to others. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a02d917f1b6d963cd96383a3fc6e0c53" );document.getElementById("c02ece8e79").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); How to Save a Marriage that is Falling Apart: 5 Tips, Why Mediation Works and Why Litigation Has So Many Pitfalls, Subscribe to Divorced Girl Smiling and download our free e-books. Nevertheless, I agree that you have a responsibility as a spouse to try to meet the needs of your partner. When your spouse is holding onto the belief that everything will work itself out naturally, you may have a difficult time getting them to participate in the discussion. In it, a husband slowly leads his wife to believe she's losing her mind by doing things like dimming the gaslights and then pretending that he didn't. A controlling partner may downplay an. Sometimes people have trust issues if they've been hurt in the past. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don't send attachments). 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